


who am i without you?

by cerqlean



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, F/F, F/M, Happy Ending, It's based on the reader and how you get better over time, Lance breaks up with you, Lots of Crying, Moving On, You cry a lot, getting better, that's it thats the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 20:45:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15348363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cerqlean/pseuds/cerqlean
Summary: “Lance,” you start. He nods. Before you can stop yourself, you say, “Can I kiss you?” For the last time. He nods again, slower, and you lean forward to press your lips against his. It’s closed-mouth and chaste but it’s so comforting and familiar and you take it for as long as you can.--honestly this fic was just a way to help me write emotion........... also i wanted sum good end-game klance. its canon king my dudes





	who am i without you?

     Lance had been unbearably distant for weeks now. Every time you tried to bring it up, he would get irritable and snap at you or just brush it off. You tried your best not to push it but it was becoming frustrating. Tears trickled from your eyes as you stared at the gray wall bleakly. It was the middle of the night on the Castleship so Lance was sound asleep beside you, one arm wrapped around your waist. You couldn’t help but to cherish this, the only comfortable physical contact you’ve had with him in what felt like forever. Even kissing him felt forced on his part.

     You loved him. _God_ , you loved everything about him and you think you would die for him in an instant. You idly played with his fingers, rubbing the pad of your thumb along his knuckles. 

     You _loved_ him. 

     The thought makes you squeeze your eyes shut as a shaky exhale tumbles out of your throat. You curl back into him, your back pressed against his bare chest, hoping and praying to every God you know of that maybe one day Lance will choose to open up and they could fix this. You were willing to do anything. You bring your free hand up to wipe your tears, take a big breath, and try to sleep.

——

     “(Y/N),” A voice says, startling you. Looking up from your book, you see Lance in front of you. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend all day, but here he was now. He stands nervously, the tic in his jaw immediately telling you something was wrong.

     “Hi, baby,” You say to him, choosing to smile at him. “Are you okay?”

     The way Lance flinches when you call him ‘baby’ has alarm bells going off in your head. “Can I talk to you?” He asks, sitting next to you. It was just both of you in the common room, and suddenly you mourn the absence of your boyfriend. You nod, and wait. Your fingers are clutching your book tight but your expression is relaxed, neutral as he speaks. “(Y/N)… There’s someone else.” Your heart drops to your stomach, panic welling in your chest.

     “What?” You whisper, holding the book to your chest. 

     “I’m sorry, (Y/N), but I—” He starts but you cut him off, your eyebrows drawn.

     “How long? _Who_?” You ask desperately, searching his face. He looks devastatingly handsome, and you just want to punch him so hard his stupid, pretty face is marred.

     “Three weeks,” he answers. He looks to the ground, avoiding your gaze. “Keith.” You look up to the ceiling, a heavy weight settling on your shoulders. You feel your lip quiver as you try to breathe deeply to calm yourself down. It’s not helping. “I still care about you. A lot!” He scrambles to explain, gesticulating with his hands. “I just… want to be with him. Romantically.”

     “Okay,” you say. “ _Okay.”_ He looks at you in surprise, mouth open. “I understand.” _No, you don’t. “_ Thanks for… telling me.”

     Lance takes your hand and you want to throw up because it’s the last time you’ll ever get to hold it. “Thank you,” he says seriously, eyebrows furrowed as he stares into your eyes.

     “Lance,” you start. He nods. Before you can stop yourself, you say, “Can I kiss you?” _For the last time_. He nods again, slower, and you lean forward to press your lips against his. It’s closed-mouth and chaste but it’s so comforting and familiar and you take it for as long as you can. When you pull away, you’re barely able to see through the tears threatening to spill over. “Thanks,” you stammer, standing up, sniffling. “I’m sorry, I—” You start to back away, the floodgates wide open now. “I loved you, Lance,” you say emphatically. “I still do and if this is what makes you happy then of course, I-I support you.” Your voice breaks terribly and he is frowning, reaching out to you, but you turn on your heel and leave, unable to bear the sight of him right now. Your chest is aching and you wonder distantly if hearts can physically break. 

     In your own room, undecorated and bleak because you practically lived in Lance’s room, you scream. You scream and sob and break down, big, fat, ugly tears that only scratch the surface in showing how torn up you felt inside. Pidge and Allura knock on your door, calling for you three or four times but you don’t answer to either of them. Eventually, exhausting yourself, you tuck yourself under the covers and sleep restlessly.

     The next morning, you don’t bother getting out of bed. You just stare at the ceiling, wondering what you did wrong. What you could have done better. The sadness turned to anger; Anger at yourself, for letting yourself love him as much as you did, anger at Lance for leading you on. You ball your fists and press the heels of your palms to your eyes, expelling a stray sob. There is another knock on your door and you, sitting up, take five deep breaths, smooth our your rumpled clothing and open the door. Hunk is holding a tray of food goop for you. He is frowning but his eyes shine with sympathy, passing the plate to you. You take it with a smile, the presence of Hunk already managing to make you feel better.

     “I’m sorry, (Y/N),” he says after a minute, interlocking his knuckles. His mouth tugs down in a frown. “I didn’t know either. I can’t really imagine how you feel but I’m here for you. Everyone is.” You look down and nod.

     “Thanks, Hunk,” you say, exhaling shakily.

     “Talk to Keith,” he says. Your head snaps up, and you stare at him. The thought of either of them made you nauseous, though you knew Keith wasn’t really to blame. “It might make you feel better or worse, but at least you’ll get closure.” 

     “You’re right,” you said. “You’re right.” Hunk nods, claps your shoulder and walks away, smiling and giving you a thumbs up. Your door closes and you wail again, slumped against the door, an onslaught of emotions working their way back up. You cry silently for a while longer, before making yourself presentable. You change your clothes and shower in an attempt to be fresh, but end up staring at yourself in the mirror, scrutinizing yourself and wondering what the hell you did wrong. Eventually, you manage to muster up the courage to venture out of your room to look for Keith. You peek in the training room and the control room, but end up finding him in the common room speaking quietly with Lance. They’re holding hands and laughing and bumping foreheads and they look so _right_ with each other and you’ve never seen Lance happier, you think. You bite your cheek, _hard_ , and hold onto the doorframe tight as you call out, “Hey, Keith?” His head snaps up and both he and Lance sober from the state they were in before, looking at you. “Can I talk to you?” He regards you cooly from where he is, and you maintain his stare, before he curtly nods and stands up. He joins you outside and you both trudge to the control room. The walk is awkward and long and you’re trying your best to not cry but eventually you get there.

     You and Keith sit on the floor, facing each other. You gather your thoughts before saying, “I’m not mad at you.” His eyebrows shoot up, and he looks surprised.

     “You’re not?” He asks incredulously.You shake your head and clasp your hands together. 

     “I’m really upset,” you admit, voice shaking and lip quivering, but you power through. “I really loved— _love_ Lance and, I know you guys are d-dating now, but I just need time,” You gasp, squeezing your eyes shut. You pause to breathe, and say, “I don’t think I can talk to you guys for a while but I—I’ll get there. I’m not mad at you and it’s not your fault and it’s not really his either and I still think of you as a friend but I just can’t…” you trail off, meeting his eyes. He doesn’t know what to say, but you continue. “I really love Lance, Keith,” You say, smiling at him, watery. “I really, really love him and it really kills me to know he doesn’t love me back, but I hope he feels the way I feel for you. He deserves it and so do you. Please take care of him for me.” You looks back down, where your hands are trembling. “That’s all. I just wanted to tell you I’m not mad. Or anything.”

     “(Y/N),” Keith says, softer than you’ve ever heard him speak. “Thank you. I was afraid,” he admits, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. “I was afraid you’d hate me or you’d be mad at me and I couldn’t make it up to you. Thanks for understanding.” He smiles at you hesitantly. “You’re an amazing person, (Y/N). I’ll… do the best I can.” You nod, standing up to go back to your room. As you leave, you hear Keith call “Thanks, (Y/N)!” behind you, but you don’t reply, already biting your lips to silence yourself and slumping against the wall right outside of the room. Allura is the one who finds you, and you cry on her shoulder for what feels like hours, your chest feeling like a heavy stone, sinking, sinking, sinking.

——

     It’s easier to see them holding hands on missions or in the common room. Their kisses still draw a twinge of pain from your chest but you can feel yourself getting better, feeling better. You still miss the feeling of Lance, on you, _in you—_ petting your hair, holding your hand, peeling your clothes off, hands on your body—but it’s becoming bearable.

——

     You’re able to talk to Lance and Keith without wanting to throw up. You think this is an enormous milestone. You feel like yourself again, slowly reborn like a phoenix. The sight of Lance doesn’t make your stomach turn and you no longer crave his touch. You feel lonely sometimes, but you’re okay now. You still harbor a deep sense of love for Lance, one all-consuming and never-ending, but you feel like you can move on now, feel like there’s more than just him and what he did to you.

     You smile, big and proper for the first time in months, and join Allura at the helm.

**Author's Note:**

> maybe ill write something actually happy one day. its not today


End file.
